Welcome to the Courtroom Cows' Personal Cyberstead

Tales told by Barbara the Bovine Prelude


  1. Conversation with a state trooper
  2. Conversation with a local constable
  3. Conversation with a park ranger
  4. Conversation with two officer's
  5. Resolving a local government dilemma
  6. Conversation with a US Marshal

Amusing Anecdotes & Observations

Conversation with a state trooper

Another time, back in the 80's, Texas was traveling along route 30 in eastern PA, heading into Kinzer. He was on his way to attend the Rough and Tumble Engineers Historical Society*. As he walked along the road, he observed a brown unmarked state police car pass him going in the other direction. As he had his thumb out to try and get a ride, he noticed that the plain brown wrapper had pulled a u-turn and was slowing down to approach him. Upon stopping, the officer motioned for Texas to approach him on his side of the car. As he neared the car, he overheard, on the police radio, the dispatcher reporting upon a robbery that had just taken place. So Texas had a good idea why the officer was approaching him.

The conversation ensues:

Officer: What is your name?
Texas: Texas Longhorn
Officer: Do you have any identification?
Texas: No.
Officer: Don't you have a drivers license!?
Texas: No.
Officer: [pausing for a moment before asking] Why don't you have a drivers license?
Texas: What do I need a drivers license for, just to walk along the road?
Officer: Don't you have anything with your name on it?

[visual - with just Texas talking]
Texas, about to respond no, remembered that he had with him an old, converted ammo box, painted red. In this box he kept his family history (consisting of news articles and pictures of myself, my son, daughters, nieces, granddaughters, great granddaughters and of course the horses). After opening the ammo box, he gently placed it upon the hood of the plain brown wrapper and started to remove all of the contents. Handing them to the officer, one at a time and explaining each one in detail. When he was halfway through the memorabilia, with most of the vehicles' interior practically wallpapered with them. At this point the officer attempted to say that he must be moving on, but Texas would hand him another item from his box, interrupting the officer in mid-sentence, and explain it's history. Texas continued to present his family history, despite the officers ever increasing gaze down the road (probably wishing that he was heading down it and not sitting here). After about 25 minutes Texas had finally presented his whole family's history (at least the part which he had with him at that time). The last article was about me (Barbara) in front of the courthouse with a patrol car.
The two way conversation then restarted. With the officer, upon seeing that it was the last article, asked:
Officer: Is that the Chester County courthouse?
Texas: No, it's the Bucks County courthouse.
(The officer was probably experiencing shell shock by this time, said before he pulled away)
Officer: "Well, thank you for stopping by." (keywords:
"Stopping by"?!?
Texas: Happy Trails.

They have steam powered farm tractors working with horses and all kinds of old agriculture equipment (in working order) dating back to the late 1800's on into this century.

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Conversation with a local constable

One more quick one. This being the most recent, occurring on Friday the 3rd of January, 1997.
Walking along a country road around 7-7:30 p.m., Texas was on his way back to our home, when he heard a car behind him "tap" its' horn a couple of times. When it was near enough, he turned to face it and it was the local constabulary. The officer got out of his car, shining his flashlight on Texas as he approached him.
The conversation ensues:

Officer: I received some calls that there was a stranger walking around this area.
Texas: That's okay. It's showing that the people have concern for the area.
Officer: Do you have any identification?
Texas: No.
Officer: No drivers license or social security card?
Texas: No, but do you have access to the World Wide Web? (referring to the facilities at the police station)
Officer: No. (said with a puzzled expression on his face)
You don't have access to the Web!?!
Officer: No.
Texas: Do you know anybody with access to the Web?
Officer: Yes.

Texas then described in detail what was on my main page (prelude), the pictures especially, to the officer.

Officer: What is your name?
Texas: Texas Longhorn.
(turning to leave, he said over his shoulder)
Officer: I will definitely have someone check your page out.

Thus, they parted their different ways.

Pssssst, personal note from Texas to the officer: "Howdy!"

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Here's another one!

Conversation with a park ranger

One day, Texas decided to take Brenda and myself (Barbara) down to Doylestown. Brenda was about six months old and Texas was teaching her how to lead. As we were passing by Peace Valley Park, Texas felt the need to take a break. So, resting upon the embankment, which borders upon the field in front of the reservoir, he lay there taking in the idyllic view. When he looked to the west, he noticed some dark storm clouds rolling in. He said to me, "It's best we head back to the barn, it looks like rain." We noticed a park ranger standing in front of the ranger station. Being as how we were thirsty, we decided to amble on over to the ranger to inquire about getting some water. When we were within a few feet of the ranger, Texas started to open his mouth to pose the question. When, all of a sudden, the ranger spun around with a scowl on his face and snapped, "NO ANIMALS ON PARK PROPERTY!!" Texas responded, "I saw your sign out on the main road, and it says `Permit Required for Boats and Horses,' and it doesn't say a thing about cows!" The ranger reacted as if struck with a cattle prod, with his jaw dropping and his body convulsing, both actions occurring simultaneously. The end result of that little meeting was, a couple of weeks later I happened to be passing by the same area and noticed that the sign had been removed.

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Conversation with two officer's

Another time prior, it was just Texas and I, we were moving to a new home. We had gotten off to a late start and it was around 3:00 am when we were passing through Bedminster Township
*. A car came towards us, which turned out to be a police car. Pulling over in front of us, the officer got out and approached us. He inquired as to what Texas was doing out this late, and with a cow no less! Texas told him we were heading over to Hillcrest Farms, our new home. After showing the officer my vaccination card with his name on it and my ear-tag ID number (which matched my ear-tag ID, of course), the officer wanted to see Texas' drivers license. He said he didn't have one, it had expired several years ago and being short of money, he decided sustenance held a higher priority over the drivers license. During this time, another officer arrived. After going around in circles a few times (about an hour) with both officers, concerning his lack of a license. Texas finally said, "Why do I need a drivers license to walk along the road with my cow?!" The officers had no response. Texas then advised them to call the police chief of the adjacent township. Upon doing so, the chief came out and identified Texas and said there was nothing to worry about. So, everybody went on their own merry way.

* Note: Correction, we had just passed from Bedminster into Plumsteadville and were on Old Easton Highway when we were stopped. Texas had chosen this route out of curiousity, being that he hadn't traveled on it for a little over 21 years.

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Resolving a local government dilemma

Here is a little story about local government in action.

One of the local borough's was going to hold a townhall meeting. It was about whether or not a little 12 year old girl, Karen, could have her horse, Misty, on her
folk's property. The problem that the government official's were having was that
they couldn't decide whether or not Misty was livestock or a domestic animal.
Being that the local ordinance allowed for two head of livestock per acre, but they wanted to treat this girls' horse differently.

So, the Dilemma arose!

Well, when I heard about this, I had to get on down there to make sure that justice was served! So, Texas, Brenda, Rex and myself (Barbara) headed on over to Trumbauersville, PA USA. We got there before the meeting so that we could get a place to bed down for the evening. Some nice folk's put us up for ten buck's, but when they heard why we were here, they immediately gave our money back and even fed us! They even gave us an escort to and from the meeting, since it was being held at night and it was dark out. Upon arriving, I had Texas put Rex by a stand of cedar's across from the meeting hall, Brenda was stationed at one end of the building and I took a place at the other end. Which happened to be right where their meeting was being held. When the meeting was called to order, and the board member's started flapping their jaw's. I started to have a conversation with Rex and Brenda, calling out to each of my children. My voice was loud enough to drown out their talk, so that all you could see was the chairmans' jaw's moving without any sound (and what a sweet sound he made - Nothing!). They had to repeat themselve's MANY time's in order to be heard. So, after the preliminary political flatulence, Texas got up and asked three time's, "What is a horse, if it's not livestock?" Each time, after posing his question, Texas was asked for his name, which he refused to give for the moment, saying, "It's not time for you to know my name yet." Chairmans' reply, "If you don't give us your name, you have no part in this meeting!" Texas responded, "I most certainly do!! I came to hear your flap-doodle conversation!" (Websters' def: talk for fool's) With that response, the chairman reacted as if his chair had been plugged into an ignition transformer for a furnace. Probably just as well that he was sitting down or he might have fallen over! The whole meeting lasted for about twenty minute's. As Texas was leaving, a local reporter for the Free Press approached him and asked, "What are you doing here Tex?" As Texas started to reply, he noticed someone starting to come out the door of the meeting hall. So Texas, moving out of the way of the door, said, "Ah, I just came by to hear what these Yoyo's had to say." With that, the individual who had just come out of the door excitedly said, "Now wait a minute, I'm one of those Yoyo's!" The next day's Free Press reported, in the first line of the article, "It was a case of deciding NOT to decide!"

Basically, all the ensuing meeting's proceeded the same way. The end
result was that the board member's copped out and passed the decision over to the local zoning officer, who in turn decided that Karen could keep Misty.

Thus, Once Again! I have helped humans resolve their difference's.

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Created: Monday, October 4, 1996, 12:05 pm
Last Updated: May / 9 / 2009
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